Why are you playing, when you should be praying?!

Those words and that question, were fixed into my brain at the tender age of seven, and have lived there ever since I heard them from another child who said she was my friend. The play on words sounded odd and funny to me, I mean, we were outside playing and why would anyone say such a thing?! It sounded serious and scary. I actually had to stop from what I was doing, (running around and playing), to think about what this little girl had just said to me, because it sounded insulting. And, when I realized what she meant, it was in fact delivered to be insulting! And, that’s how I learned that my father had died.

As many children do when their parents, guardians or supervisors tell them to go out to play, that was exactly what I had done. That weekend is a fog to me, but those words stuck to me and no matter what kind of soap I’ve used, could never wash them away.

After that interaction, I had to go inside to my house, were for the first time I realized it was full of strangers most of them in uniform. If it hadn’t been daylight, I would have thought there was a party going on, but I heard no laughter or music.

The living room was smoky from cigarets and as I made my way through the room full of strangers, I heard my mother cry out in a scream I had never heard before and when I saw her laid out on the sofa crying as someone tried to console her, I was paralized with fear; I did not recognize her.

In what I can only describe as shock, I walked backwards till I couldn’t go any further. I had bumped into our record player, a piece of furniture back then, and proceed to sit on it as I watched the scene unfold before me.

A kind woman came up to me to ask how I was doing, in response, I asked her, “Is it okay that I’m not crying?” I didn’t know what else to say because tears were not flowing out of my eyes. She replied, “Amy, you can do whatever you want”.


Oh, Library, how wonderful are thee! ~ A story of a wanna be writer

Ok, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to many people when I say that most people who have ‘real’ time to write are either making a living doing so, have some kind of super powers to write before or after their work, are independently wealthy, or, like in my case, unemployed.

I got a degree in Communications, hoping that one day I would be writing speeches for the president. But that dream not only did not happen, but I couldn’t be further away from even being considered a speech writer, anymore. Instead, I have found myself working for others, taking jobs that seem unappreciated and demanding. And this is 100% my fault. I see that now. My self esteem has been based on people liking me and the top quality work I do.

I write and re-write my resume and cover letters to suit the job or gig I’m applying for, and, yes, I do get interests. I do get interviews for jobs that pay less and less than they did even five years ago! Not only is this heart breaking but really humiliating to someone like myself who feels well educated with mad skills to do the job. And, yet I still search.

I look around and see people with less talent, and I’m not judging or comparing, (though it seems like it, but I’m not), and wonder why can’t I get jobs as cool as they do? And what about those who do have mad talents, like a friend of my is an artist, another is a comedian, and again another is a writer or even a life coach…and each loving what they’re doing…but not me. Why?

Its me. Its all on me and I’m literally as far down as I ever saw myself getting at and I want out!  I’m unemployed, all my unemployment insurance as been exhausted and now I live off of my mother…and though I will be eternally grateful for her gift, its just unfair to her as it is to me. Sure, its a way to get started, and I’m not the only person going through this and she’s supportive in a passive-aggressive way. I just find myself crowed and restricted. Its her place, she has two small dogs who I love like crazy, yet they take up a lot of my time since I’m the one walking them and making sure they’re healthy, which takes away time for me to either look for those low paying jobs or more importantly have the time and quietness to begin writing.

And, so last night, while I tossed and turned in bed as usual, it finally hit me like a brick…go to the fucking library!! It seems its all I thought about last night and this morning…why in hell did I not think about this before? Its a place away from my mother’s place, even though its a pretty home. Away from the cute and distracting little dogs. Its a place to read and research. A place where I wouldn’t be interrupted and they have FREE WIFE for as long as you’re there! I love going to any of the cybercafes that are around, but I always feel pressured to have to buy something after the first purchase…and I don’t do well being pressured to do anything…unless I’m getting paid for it 🙂

So, today is my first day at the library, the wonderful, quiet library…this is my new time-sharing office where I’m the boss and I dictate when and what I do until I get my next paying gig, which I’m hoping will be soon. Oh library, how wonderful are thee!

Twenty Fifteen

As a dear friend of mine said last night, 2014 went out, not with a bang but instead, with a whimper.  As I start out today in the new year I look forward to all the possibilities that I will encounter  and new experiences that I hope lead to happiness.
I purposely did not make any New Year’s resolutions, not that I don’t think they work,  I just find the contemplation about the past and what the future will bring us more important than trying to compete with myself to do something that I instinctively do not want to do.
I do hope, that this year will be a better, happier and much more prosperous year then 2014.

I have so many ideas running around in my head that I truly don’t know which to pick to focus on so… I will let my gut feelings dictate which projects I will work on and really keep it at an organic level.  And buy organic I mean doing things and I truly and emotionally like to do and not what I think others want me to do.

So with that, I wish you, the reader, a bright and prosperous happy and joyous new year.

On Being Tested On Your Resolution…

So, my main goal here is to write every day. I want to develop and strengthen my craft of writing. And, yet today is a day that I knew would be coming and showing its ugly head…

…the last thing I want to do right now is to write. Is that a contradiction? Could be, but the truth is I really want to be a writer, but life has a way of making things happen that you simply cannot ignore. What could be so influential on me writing?

Despite my wanting to keep my personal life separated from my writing, I cannot. And here is the reason why…in a nutshell, I suffer from extreme eczema, which means that more than 20% of my skin gets severely sensitive and the discomfort is, for a lack of a better word, horrible. Yep, I said it, horrible! Why? Because my skin is so sensitive and becomes extremely itchy and the lightest of scratches flares the skin to a point of itchy bumps and my skin peeling off…and yes, it hurts. Right now, as I write, I’m wearing gloves to give my poor fingers a break while I’m writing…writing…I’m writing!!

For now, my resolution is intact (yey!). And for the record, I really don’t like to be tested, especially on my resolutions.

Until the morrow

Wot? I’m writing again?

LOL, if there is anything I like more is being amused, even if I’m the one doing the ‘amusing’. I’m an American from the United States, (let’s be clear on something here, geographically speaking from Canada down to Tierra de Fuego, it’s all known as America…Pan Americas to be exact). I digressed…so, I’m an American, and we don’t say “wot?”, we say “what?”…but I like using the British version from time to time, just to amuse myself. I feel it expresses a more sense of disbelief or question then my American version does…let me know what you think, and, is there a word, term or saying from another country that you enjoy using, whether writing or saying it?

But, truth be known, I really didn’t have a topic to write about, so I came up with the first thing that came to mind only so that I can find myself doing exactly what I doing right this second. Write.

Now mind you, I do hope to improve with every post I make (I know this is a huge undertaking, but I am ready). I don’t expect to write a lot every time, but I also don’t want to write just 20 words and call it a day…you know what I mean? I want to do the best every time I’m hitting the keyboard.

I will try my best to keep my personal stuff, well, as my personal stuff…but I’m sure from time to time I’ll be writing about some experience I had.

This is all for now…until the morrow.

To write or not to write…the question is where to begin?

So, as a Communications major, I like to think that I’m a, if not a great at least good, writer. I like to think like that every day when I think about writing or when I read a wonderful written book. I say to myself, “I can do that, I’m a great writer…why I majored in Communications!” But there lies, the issue…a writer, writes! I don’t do enough writing to be considered a writer. And how do I know this? Because every writing job I have applied to request a sample writing…what? Am I going to submit the stuff I wrote back in college? Don’t think so (although I have done that in the past with no results whatsoever).

So, here I am, writing. Not anything good, truly, I understand that I have to write every day so that I can exercise my writing skills (or muscle…how ever you want to look at it). I was listening to some motivational tapes earlier today, and in a nutshell, they said that I have to write every day to get good as a writer…and that’s what I want to do…its exactly what I want to do…because I want to be known as a writer.

I’ll be honest, I’m not the best person to keep a commitment like showing up every day to write…there I put it out there…that is my biggest downfall for anything I want that requires a certain amount of dedication…the truth is that I do get bored and distracted…I do. Yet it pains me…and yet…most of the time, I do little to resolve it…not this time. This time I want to take it as far as I can, so I’m here to write.

Please forgive the randomness of my thoughts, but hopefully when I get better, reading my work will not be so painful. 🙂

So here’s to a bright new journey…see you on the morrow.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

First I want to tell you how grateful I am to have you. Dispite showing the marks of passing years and being a bit over-weight you have supported me thru thick and thin, literally. You’ve ALWAYS have been there for me and without you, well…I would not be here 🙂

So to be fair and to give you something back for all thoses years of loyalty and support, I’ve begun a new health program that includes working out and eating healthy.

Would it be possible to show me signs that my efforts are having a positive affect on you sooner rather than later? I would feel far more motivated to continue this health program if I could see my waist line shrink.

Again, thank you Body…I look forward to your answer when I look in the mirror on Saturday.


(…and now I wake up from my dream!)

By AmaliaM

Zero to Looking Hot in 60 minutes…a day

Really, there’s no way around it…you must watch what you eat and exercise! Period. The trick is finding a way to enjoy eating healthy and working out…then just sticking to it!

You may find modivation from the outside world, like, wanting to look like that celebrity or getting back to an ex-lover, but my personal expericence has taught me that those superficial motivations tend to be short lived and by default you end up giving up on your desire to keep with the program that you started with such hopes.

I’ve started (yet, again), a new health program. I have a goal to look and feel a certain way…now…my responsibility is to just get up early in the mornings to workout and to keep a healthy diet..which include drinking more water and holding back on snacks! That’s right, I said it SNACKS!! GONE!

…so…my goal is to look and feel hot…aside from eating healthy, I’ll be working out every day for approximatly 60 mins…wish me luck